Shine With Grace: I Was Everything I Called You (What Happens When You Judge Another...)

I Was Everything I Called You (What Happens When We Judge Another…)

Published August 23rd, 2007 in Happiness, Love, Life, Thoughts, Belief.

When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.

~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

It felt like being hit on the head when I read this line: “I was everything I called you” at The Work of Byron Katie.

A wake-up call

When we judge another, we are only defining ourselves. It reminds me that when I see a fault in somebody, (mostly) it reflects that I have the same weakness, even though I am not aware of it; or consciously or unconsciously, I refuse to admit it.

If I am not aware of it, how can I know whether I have (am) the problem too? In The Work, a method called “turnaround” is suggested. Examples direct from the site:

“He is unloving to me” turns around to:
- He is loving to me. (To the best of his ability)
- I am unloving to him. (Can I find it?)
- I am unloving to me (When I don’t inquire.)

“Paul shouldn’t shout at me” turns around to:
- Paul should shout at me. (Obviously: In reality, he does sometimes. Am I listening?)
- I shouldn’t shout at Paul.
- I shouldn’t shout at me. (In my head, am I playing over and over again Paul’s shouting? Who’s more merciful, Paul who shouted once, or me who replayed it a 100 times?)

Powerful reflections.

To judge, or not to judge?

We were told not to judge. Should (can) we simply suppress judgements and pretend we don’t even feel the urge? Katie at The Work suggests we make use of our judgements to discover through the mirror of those around us what we haven’t yet realised about ourselves. Besides the “Turnaround” method mentioned above, she also advocates asking the four questions whenever we judge our neighbour:

Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
How do you react when you think that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?

(Do check this page at The Work for further details.)

This awareness brings magic to me. Especially, it released me from much of my anger towards the beloved ones. Finally, I understand that when I complained “you don’t love me enough”, it was me who didn’t love enough and therefore being demanding… It also helps me gain much clarity and become more understanding. When I put on my observer’s hat and look at the relationships around, it’s not hard to discover where all the anger and frustrations come from. For many times, it’s a reflection / projection of ourselves.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?

~ Matthew 7:3

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4 Responses to “I Was Everything I Called You (What Happens When We Judge Another...)”

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1 we-wet Aug 24th, 2007 at 5:58 am

Dear,

How beautifully you have inspired us.

“When we judge another, we are only defining ourselves.” This is so true. Sometimes, we even make use of judgement and complaints to actualise ourselves, no matter we realise it or not.

One interesting note for you. I just wrote about “self reflection” on our beloved ones today. And you have written: “…… Especially, it released me from much of my anger towards the beloved ones…… For many times, it’s a reflection / projection of ourselves.” It seems that similar inspiration came to our minds today.

With love.
2 shine Aug 24th, 2007 at 3:11 pm

Thanks Sophie,

You keep on inspiring me too.

And, I am most thankful if we can be a better person each day. Many times, it’s not what the others did that irritated us, but how we interpret that action that irritated us. This awareness is a pointing point for me.

Tom, thanks for the link. Really appreciate it and most glad you share what I wrote.
3 Maartje Aug 26th, 2007 at 12:34 pm

Hi Shine

Law of Attraction by any chance? I’ll be writing an article on that in the near future.

Maartje