Shine With Grace: If You Can't Say No In A Relationship, You Have To Say No To The Relationship

If You Can’t Say No In A Relationship, You Have To Say No To The Relationship

Published April 1st, 2008 in Happiness, Life, Thoughts.

If you can’t say no in a relationship, you have to say no to the relationship.

~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

The above quote sounds a bit sad, but, when come to think about it, it’s very true.

Everybody is different. Therefore, in any relationship, there are unavoidably differences, disagreement, conflicts. There may not be right or wrong, but different views, different habit, different ideas. There are things you don’t agree.

What would you do? Be direct in telling your partner / friend / family member what do you think, or remain silent but let the discomfort build up in your chest?

It depends.

If it’s only minor stuff that you don’t really mind, you may choose not to mention it - as long as it doesn’t bother you, or affect your relationships.

Yet, if it is something that really annoys you, please mind as well find a chance and tell your partner honestly how do you feel. It doesn’t need to be emotional, but you do need to communicate, before the negative feeling keep building up and affects your relationship.

Do communicate - so that (1) your partner can let you know what he/she is thinking, why he/she is doing the thing you don’t like - there may be reasons that you don’t know, there may be misunderstanding… and (2) allow the chance for he/she to rectify the situation.

Remember, if you don’t tell he/she what you don’t like but let your uneasy feeling builds up, without their knowing it, what happens is whenever he/she “commits the same mistakes” (mistakes in your eyes), you allow your discontent to build up, you hate the fact that your partner is so inconsiderate and not care about your feelings… while indeed, he/she has always been in the dark and don’t know what they are doing bothers you that much.

Then one day, before long, the pressure is so high the relationship just crack - mostly starts with a minor incident, followed by a big fight, which suddenly let all the negative feelings explode.

And sometimes, the relationship is beyond repair.

Don’t think that you are being nice to put up with things you don’t like. In the long run, you may be sabotaging your relationship.

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2 Responses to “If You Can't Say No In A Relationship, You Have To Say No To The Relationship”

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1 Jon Apr 3rd, 2008 at 9:59 pm

I always love your themes. This is a biggie. And I don’t know why a lot of people don’t understand that it’s so important to be able to respectfully articulate no.

Sometimes it’s not even that the partner is unaware. Some partners just don’t want any dissent… they believe that a good relationship means that the person always makes them happy by agreeing to everything.

I once knew a person who was like that. Not unexpectedly, tragedy befell their relationship because she took complete advantage of him and when he stopped allowing it, she became abusive.

I’m going to forward this post to a friend.
2 shine Apr 5th, 2008 at 2:27 pm

Thank you dear Jon. This may sound common sensical, but well, not easy to understand / put into practice in reality. Most of the time, we don’t want to rock the boat, or hoping that this would be the last time I have to put it up (and in most cases it is not)…

I learn it the hard way too.